; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
