i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
