it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
