don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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