I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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