He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
