I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
