The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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