sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize