Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
