i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
