so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
