And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
