I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
