I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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