On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
