I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
