i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
