I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
