I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
