he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize