The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
