Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
