If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
