just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
