i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize