I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
