I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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