I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
