Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
