I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
