she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
