someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
