So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize