i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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