Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bring me that man meat
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i believe in u and ur pee
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
