I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
