I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
