He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your cock deserves a montage
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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