I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
