This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
