She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
