I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
