i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
