I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
