that's an acceptable place to lick
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Randomize
