Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
