If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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