i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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