Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
this is an emotional support booty call
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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