i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
