I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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