fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize