Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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