He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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