I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
