She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
