You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's shark week go big or go home
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
