We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
