my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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