Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want nice things and good sex
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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