i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
