my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need to calm my uterus...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
