you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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