You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize