Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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