I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
