I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
