so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Randomize
