Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
