She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
