Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
