dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
