Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
