Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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