$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
