when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize