what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
