Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
