Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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