Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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