when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
