She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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